Adrift

8 Nov

Getting lost at sea is easy when all you have to work with is a rowboat and a general idea of where you want to go. I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve done anything even remotely productive. I feel that way because it has been. Telling yourself you’ll start tomorrow is much easier than actually sitting down and doing the work you need to do, especially when the only time frame you’re working on is the one you’ve set for yourself. I’m my own harshest critic but I’m also absolutely abysmal at telling myself ‘Enough is enough. Get your shit done, you fiend.’

I find these points in my life where I feel like I’ve lost the path are punctuated by periods of diluted enlightenment.Something will rub the sleep out of my eyes for a week or two, sometimes longer, and the spark will burn for a while. It’s taken me until now to realise that it’s not about using these periods as best you can, it’s about extending them as far as they can stretch. Well, I’ve just entered one of these little paradigm shifts, a particularly powerful one at that, and I intend to milk it for everything it’s worth.

It’s far too easy to fall into the Work. Sleep. Repeat. pattern that being a dependent adult naturally pulls you towards. Having a full-time job is tiring. It is monotonous. It is (in most cases) the antithesis of a good time and it grinds you down until the one thing you look forward to is some time off to do nothing at all. This trap terrified me for years and I fell right into it. ‘Tomorrow is another day and right now I want to go out and drink. Progress can wait.’ And it will wait. It has no other choice.

Anyway, as I said ‘it’s about extending them as far as they can stretch’ and I’m not entirely sure how to go about doing that. Still, I have a few ideas. I’m going to force myself to write more, even if I’m not feeling it (in direct contradiction to part of one of my previous posts, but hey, we’re all wrong sometimes), I’m going to use my free time more wisely and I have a goal now. It has nothing to do with writing, directly. But that’s for me to think about and shape for a while.

 

Gavin

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