A return to something or other.

6 Sep

So, today I set about re-establishing whatever sort of online presence I’ve built for myself over the past while (re: none). This, of course, quickly digressed into updating my profile pictures for several different online accounts on various websites, changing my passwords and generally achieving a great deal of ‘fuck all’. Still, I’m writing now and I guess that’s something.

I do have plans for my day, however. And they’re more productive plans than those of yesterday and the day before that which consisted of ‘whatever’, ‘maybe I’ll play a bit of guitar’ and ‘I might go to the shop at some point’.

I plan on watching Bill Clinton’s DNC speech at some point. Not because I have any real interest in american politics (or indeed politics of any kind) but because I’ll attain that feeling of smug satisfaction that comes along with doing something intelligent. I may even brag about it, we’ll see.

I’m also going to finally send away for a new passport. Because along with plane tickets, money and a general sense of direction, it’s kind of essential. I realise that I’ve left this quite late, with only twenty-two days before my flight, but if anything it’s adding to my excitement. I’m definitely nervous about it anyway and I suppose those feeelings are almost similar. Sort of.

Whether or not any of these things actually happen is a different story altogether, but the intent is there and if there’s anything I’ve learnt from my years as a devout follower of the teachings of our lord God, that’s the main bit.

At the moment, I’m working on writing a set of stand-up comedy that I’ll hopefully be able to grow a set of balls for performing. The material is all ready, at least to some degree. I even have a bit about Indiana Jones. Anyway, I spent a few days writing joke after joke, marvelling at the ease with which ideas were coming to me. ‘This stand-up lark is easy’, I thought, when I realised that I have almost no idea how to properly perform this material and whether or not it’s actually good.

Writing a few words on a page and having a giggle at them is an entirely different process when compared with reading them aloud in a coherent manner in front of an audience of scathing peers who probably want nothing more than to see me crash and burn.

My expectations of this first attempt are something along the lines of an awkward sitcom, most likely written by Larry David and starring myself. There is no laugh track and it’s one of the episodes were the cringey humour goes too far and you want nothing more than to change the channel. But there is no TV remote for real life, only a brisk walk off-stage to crushing disappointment and hollow comments like ‘it wasn’t that bad’ and ‘you’ll do better next time’. Still, we’ll see.



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