How To Be a Good F**king Person

25 Oct

Today’s blog post isn’t a humorous observation. It isn’t a discussion about music, film or literature. It is a lesson. An essential lesson. A lesson that many people fail to learn and subsequently fall into the trap of becoming annoying and downright shitty.

So, let’s learn about communication. In today’s age of technological wizardry, chances are that many of the conversations that you have each day occur using some sort of electronic medium (Facebook, text messaging or even blogging). You may think that using these means of communication is fairly simple. You open up the program and you press a few buttons. Easy, right?

Wrong. At least, for some people. Let’s look at an example of a conversation and try to work out what’s wrong.

Me: Hello, how are you today?

Simpleton: hey f**k all, wht bout u?

*Me is now offline*

The first mistake should be pretty obvious. This terrible trend of tlkin lik dis. I hate it. It’s an abomination. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not above using the odd acronym. They can be useful, I’ll admit. But this bullshit business of taking out letters and sometimes even replacing them has got to stop.

There is another mistake. One you may have glossed over. One that is even more unholy than the last. “Text speak”, as it is commonly called, can be forgiven on occasion as often the user is using it to disguise a lack of education with regards spelling. The other mistake is, of course, the censorship of “bad” language. If you do this, then f**k you.

What really brought this to my attention was Louis CK. In one of his shows, he talks about people saying “The ‘N’ word” and argues that by saying this, you’re forcing the listener to mentally say ‘nigger’ and thus making them the bad guy. It makes sense, but I want to talk about this a bit more.

Typing out ‘f**k’ is only different to typing ‘fuck’ in one way, it makes you look like an asshole. The meaning is still there. The feeling behind the word isn’t removed because you’ve replaced a few of the letters with assorted symbols. It’s the same thing. It’s even a little more difficult to type.There is literally no reason to do this. It isn’t as if a child, that is capable of reading, is going to look at the word ‘s#!t’ and not be able to work out what the fuck you’re talking about.

“C**T? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? CURSE THESE INFURIATING CENSORS!”

If you’re one of the people who participates in this foolishness, I hope that reading this has saved you. You are a better person now. You can go and live life to its fullest, having a great fucking time like the rest of us.

Gavin

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