The Issue With Being Idle

5 Oct

I think my biggest problem in life is probably inertia. Inertia is commonly defined as ‘ the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest, or the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion.’ (Yep, straight from Wikipedia) If I’m lying in a stupor, playing Deus Ex for example, it’s going to take a hell of a lot of effort to change this. In terms of physics, for an actual particle, when this theory is being used correctly (and not being loosely thrown into some blog) an object’s inertia increases along with its mass. But I swear that’s not true for me. I have never been able to use my tit to wipe grease from my chin. You might think that that’s a pretty strange standard to determine how big someone is, but it works for me.

“I don’t have an unwillingness to move, it just makes it difficult to breathe.”

Whenever I set out to do something, anything, no matter how much I actually want to do it, I find myself putting it off and off. I’m not the only one with this crippling condition and I’m sure that someone can sympathise with me on this. It impedes your social life, the amount of work you get done, feeding yourself and generally prevents you from succeeding at anything. Let’s look at an example:

“I want to be a writer.”

“Then pick up a pen and write, you dumbass.” – I find it’s good to be firm with myself.

“I’ll just finish this game first, I’ll be too distracted otherwise.”

And that’s it. Maybe I’ll write for a while but eventually the inertia will set in. I’ll stop writing altogether and then a while later, a month, maybe half a year, I’ll begin the cycle anew. This is even true with simpler tasks:

“I’d fucking love to go see that new film, The Guard!”

“Then walk five minutes to the cinema you work at and see it for free, you fucking half-wit!”  – Because apparently ‘dumbass’ wasn’t harsh enough.

“Nah, I’ll just wait for a couple of months even though I have nothing better to do.”

That last conversation occurred around two months ago (not literally, I’m not insane) and now, at long last, I have seen The Guard. Simply put, it’s great. Brendan Gleeson’s character has to be one of the rudest, but ultimately extremely likeable, people I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch on-screen. He has no  social boundaries and doesn’t even abide by the law that he supposedly upholds (indulging in both narcotics and prostitutes during the film). The film itself is hysterical. It takes all the obscurity from real people and locations around Ireland and rams it into one small area for an hour and half and it works brilliantly. No part of the film dragged for me, it’s fast paced and by the time it’s over, you’re left wanting more. This might have something to do with the way the film ends, although I won’t say anything more about that in case there is someone reading this who has yet to see it.

“In other wordsh, go watch the fucking film, ye fucking daft cunt.”

If I was going to do a proper review of The Guard, I’d have to talk about a whole lot of other things like plot, other actors, (Don Cheadle, for example, who was also pretty great) cinematography, etc., but I’m not and this was never intended to be a review. Plus, it wouldn’t exactly make a whole lot of sense reviewing a film that has already been out for months.

The reason that I was so excited about The Guard is because of my favourite film, In Bruges. The writer and director of In Bruges, Martin McDonagh, is the brother of John Michael McDonagh who wrote and directed The Guard. I’m not sure how many times I’ve seen In Bruges now but I think that finding out the number would probably appall me and lead to asking myself questions such as, “Just what the fuck are you doing with your life, you obsessive maniac?” I think the film is nearly perfect in execution. The acting is great, the plot and dialogue are fantastic and I could probably, quite literally, talk about it for hours. Comparing it to The Guard is extremely difficult, however. The films do share a lot of similarities, both have Gleeson in a leading role, they were written and directed by siblings and they both contain a lot of irish themes. Apart from these points, however, the films are very different.

The Guard takes humour down an entirely different route than that of In Bruges. It’s a lot less subtle. It gets laughs from racism, swearing and general ignorance and in a way so does In Bruges. But there is a difference. In Bruges whispers these jokes into your ear, letting you take what you want, whereas The Guard walks straight up to you, grabs your testicles through your trousers and laughs them right into your face. And it’s brilliant.

A few days ago I watched another film by Martin McDonagh called Six Shooter. I think that watching this was the final incentive that I needed to finally go and see The Guard. It was less than half an hour long and also starred Brendan Gleeson. Six Shooter is a lot closer to In Bruges than I was expecting it to be, I’d heard that it was funny but I had absolutely no idea what the film was about. In half an hour the film builds two extremely deep characters with complex backgrounds out of not a whole lot more than talking on a train and a short prelude. I won’t say any more because I can’t really. Talking about the film would take away from its impact so do yourself a favour, just watch it.

Unless, of course, you’re like me and spend all day complaining about ‘inertia’ because you’re far too proud to admit that you’re a lazy bastard like everyone else.



One Response to “The Issue With Being Idle”


  1. The Wall of Text or: How I Learned to Forget About Pictures and Just Write. « tseudo - October 11, 2011

    […] back in their cases. Sometimes, I don’t forget and I’m simply too lazy to do it (See The Issue With Being Idle for further details regarding this). But, I never use them as coasters, nor their beautiful little […]

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