Demons and Dirtbags

16 Sep

People are disgusting. Case in point: public bathrooms. Every time I walk into a public bathroom I take a second to wonder what sort of horrible situation is waiting to greet me behind the door.

Today, for example, I decided that I would venture into the stall (where the probability of seeing something awful increases exponentially) and the first thing that caught my eye was a direct result of humanity’s general terribleness.

Someone had managed to shit on the toilet seat.

This leaves me with a few questions. Firstly, how many other people have walked in there only to be met with this sight and immediately left? Also, what am I supposed to do now? There are no other stalls and once again I’ve held off the urge to the point of emergency. Lastly, how the fuck did the guilty party either a) not notice that they’d done this, or b) become comfortable enough to proudly leave this disgusting gift for the next poor soul to find?

Brain is now preparing for mental scarring. Memory wipe initialising.

On a lighter note, I’d like to talk about a film I have recently watched. Insidious. Before watching this film, I’d heard numerous mixed reports. Half of the people I spoke to told me that this film was pant-shittingly terrifying. The other half told me that it was pretty bad. My conclusion: both sides of the fence are correct.

The first half of the film is loaded with more cheap scares than you can shake a man with a red face at. However, for some reason it works. It genuinely scared me.

“Come on, I’m not going to fall for that one again.”

This could be due to the fact that I’m a bigger pussy than most, but at least I’ll admit that. After the great first half, the film then decides to try and explain itself. This, as usual, turns out terribly. Honestly, I’d almost rather that at 45 minutes in they’d decided to kill off all of the main characters and replace the last half of the film with obscure shots of children’s shoes accompanied by a soundtrack consisting of wild animal noises. But then again, I fucking love David Lynch.

Okay, the last half of Insidious isn’t completely terrible. I still wanted to finish it, at least. It’s just that whoever wrote the film decided that it would be a good idea to introduce a comedy outlet into the last half of what was a pretty dark story.

“They kept telling us it was a horror film but we had better ideas.”

I’d love to write about a game that I’m currently playing but I think I’ll save that for when I get Deus Ex next week and lock myself in my bedroom for a few days while abandoning all forms of personal hygiene. The smell will be terrible.

Come to think about it, maybe that’s how the transition to becoming a bathroom defiler begins.



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